I have been through the slums.
Where ethereal cockroaches sip their cups of coffee
to last them through the night.
Where the intoxicated zephyr numbs you from the realities of life,
A poison so lustfully desired one dreams of dying again
Where the malevolent demons coax you to dine with them
no doubt, the best meal you will ever, ever taste.

Put Some Color in My Life

Sometimes I wonder if life was just an endless cycle of nothingness; if we were meant to see each day as a canvas to be painted and repainted again and again because there is no such thing as a masterpiece.

I don't understand. I wake up, I laugh and laugh more and laugh a little bit but at the end of the day when everything ends, when my tiny little eyes close I enter this pit of tranquil loneliness and at the end of this pit I fall again, from the start, when the sun rises, when my tiny little eyes open.

I have gone through everything I want to go through. I do not want to journey to the end of the Sahara, I do not want to fall from the very peak of the Niagara Falls, I do not want to try eating 10 footlong hotdogs, I do not want a lovely damsel in distress, nor do I want to fly.

I have ventured in my everywhere. I have journeyed all throughout my whole world. There is nothing left. Show me the trapdoor to the other dimension, show me something new, show me something virgin from the peering eyes of strangers. Put some color in my life.

Of School and Ear Piercings

It’s been a week since I last slept well and honestly, this isn’t doing me good. I have been struggling to do better in school and all these failed attempts are killing me. I got my advisory grades. No F’s but I can do better. The results depressed me. I don’t know what happened to me. That grade report slapped me on the face; showed me what I’m worth.

I am currently under the process of self-mutilation, one of the many goals I have in life. I got my ear pierced - again. It took me a minute to ready myself though, a record high. The past two piercings were a piece of cake, I don’t know what’s up with this one. I have three now. I’m thinking of having a tattoo (a small one on my calves) but am thinking otherwise. My emaciated body might not handle the pain.

In ES class something struck me. I felt a sudden surge of emptiness. I need my God.