Thursday, March 10, 2005

Winners

Losers, what we call the heavily insulted and discriminated group. The bell rang, it was lunch time, everyone raced to the canteen, and there she was. Sitting on that cold chair with her hands between her thighs, staring relentlessly on the tiled floor. I hurriedly closed my math notebook and all I could imagine was food, I needed to eat. I saw her. Pity greeted me with a smile. "I'll eat in a while, wanna' come with me?" I said.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll stay here nalang,"

"Oh c'mon! Dali na! Get your food, let's eat downstairs." I coaxed her.

"Hindi, I'll eat here nalang."

"Want me to join you? Hati tayo diyan gusto mo?"

"Hehe, sige na nga..." she said with a forced smile.

She sat on her chair, her eyes never made contact with mine. For her, this was an awkward moment. I tried to catch her eyes, trying to assure her that I am comfortable with this moment but her eyes were concentrated on the cold adobo that surprisingly made my mouth water. She gently filled her spoon with food and ascended it to her mouth, her hair was in the way, but she didn't mind.

"Bakit ka naman nandito?" I asked her even though I knew what she'll say.

"La lang," she mumbled with food still in her mouth.

She handed the spoon over to me, I took a bite. She chewed. Suddenly, her face went into a grimace, a tear went down her cheek. She was crying. She was afraid to show. There was pain all over me like a dagger through my heart. I ached for her, for what she felt. She placed her hands over her face, her tears penetrated through. She was lonely. So incredibly lonely that it made her burst into tears.

"Ey, ok lang yun." I tried to comfort her.

She did not answer.

I handed her my hanky, fortunately unused. She dried her tears.

"Ok na ko."

I knew she was not. I knew what she felt. The yearning to talk to somebody, the yearning to be accepted, the yearning to be just be like everybody.

"Tara, libre kita coke. Ok lang yan, let's eat downstairs, tara."

And there we were, alone, eating...

Friday, March 04, 2005

School

School...

The teacher's lecture echo through my mind like the constant rattling of a typewriter, naks. School was cool today. There was this time awhile ago, the teacher left the room and all my classmates scattered around the room like rats. I was sitting down, drifting into sweet sleep until I noticed something. Their were groups. Groups I have never seen before. "Kikay" girls on my back, conyo boys on my left, the kalog and "manyak" boys in front of me, and the so-called "sudras," (Hindu term for "outcasts" or "slaves") on my right. And then something hit me, if you put 30 people in a room as 1, they'll group themselves according to their attitude, personality, appearance, intellect, interests and so on and so forth. Hehe, its interesting. I was amazed because I don't find it hard hanging out with anyone of these groups. I feel comfortable with each one of them. Thats it...

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

At Last

IM BACK...

Ok, now Im back. Hehe. Finally. After a long month's rest I find myself here typing another entry. A LOT of significant things happened which would be too long to discuss. You prolly know the feeling of having so many things on your head you want to say but you end up saying none of them at all because they're just too many. Im feeling that right now. Right now, Im stressed. I've got one too many projects I DON'T like to do. I lack sleep and I have to get FAT in three weeks because if I dont I have to pay *Charmaine* 500 pesos worth of cellphone load! Fat, man, I can only dream. I can almost see myself walking with 3 or 4 extra flabs of skin hanging out my tummy. Fat is only a dream, a goal so long forgotten, a vague and distant misconception of my true self. *sigh. Hehe. Anyway, I think I'll try to make more entries, only if I have time. Sayang 'tong blog na to, PRAMIS! Hehehe.