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Journal Entry No. 2
October 25, 05

It's been a pretty long time and I've got tons on my mind. Im confused, Im broken, Im tired, Im irritated, Im deprived of sleep, Im apprehensive, Im anxious, Im eager, Im everything...

Before, I used to be irritated with people who rant in online journals, but now Im one of them, sucks to be me. These journals are meant to be vents, vents for anger and sometimes for happiness. Someone just needs to listen. Sometimes you just got to share your despair so you wouldn't be carrying that luggage of worry all the time. Right now Im encumbered, like a balloon filled with so much air delighted with the sight of a needle. I just need to release...

Let me tell you about something you wouldn't understand...
In an effort to be anonymous, Joshua writes a poem about a moment of despair...
(Beware, the cornyness might kill you...)

Up there,
It was heaven.
Beside me was a treasure
worth more than Gold and Silver
with eyes glittering like diamond sunshine
To part with a treasure
guarded with utmost measure
is hell to the innocent
and heaven to the evil
"Why do you have to go?"
"Why do you have to leave?"
Your soul strongly fastened with the devil's grip
The depths of fire blinded you, binded you
I try to ignore and enjoy this new pain
my fire I pray to be drenched by rain
I want to forget, and never regret
The time of torture, of torment, of pain
Now I return, "Up there," "Up High"
With tears down my eyes and weakening disdain
I try to remember the treasure I had
worth more than Gold and Silver
with eyes glittering like diamond sunshine...

This is enough...

Gimmik

Journal Entry 1

August 27, 05

I. SCHOOL

Went to school ( I think I was late again), studied for this long Literature test and found out the quiz was "open book" (you get to browse the answers on your notebook) which got me pissed off. The school's saving electricity so aircons are turned of in the morning (couldn't concentrate because of the heat). At lunch I ate adobo as hard as rocks (literally). Scored high on Economics and Physics test (proud of myself).

II. TAMBAY 1
VENUE: Sassy Chef, Greenwoods
Went with my friends. I ordered my favorite, "crabmeat sandwich" (savored every bite cause I was hungry). I suddenly wanted to go somewhere, I missed all the gimmiks. I told my friends to go with me in Galle, YOF. A lot agreed so I went home, decided not to take a bath anymore cause my brother was in the bathroom. Put on my clothes, washed my face, spritzed on some cologne and off I go.

III. TAMBAY 2
VENUE: Galleria
Went to YOF and enjoyed the service. My friends wanted to go to metrowalk so I decided to go too but I had to go home early so...

IV. TAMBAY 3
VENUE: Elbow Room, MetroWalk
Played a game of billiards, chatted for a while, had a few drinks (not alocoholic). Saw Farica! Man I missed her. Had to go home now but we had to bring Josh home so...

V. TAMBAY 4
VENUE: Josh Delarosa's House, Valle Verde
Stayed for 10 mins, ate some spam, listened to some of his reggae music and...

VI. HOME
Home at last. I guess I'll sleep now, my eyes are closing...

Back Again

Back Again

It's been awhile. And now Im back, with colored hair! Hehe! The school colored my hair blonde for the school play "Sound of Music." Now its all shiny and glittery under the sun... sooo gay. That's me with the yellow vest on the right (gwapo ko no? alam ko...). Anyway, I just finished my exams. Finally I can breath. Second Quarter nanaman. Panibagong pagaaral, panibagong chapter ng buhay. I promised myself to not slack off this time, got to do better. As of now, Im stressed. Stressed with all the exams, projects, assignments, extra-curricular activities (naks!), and application forms for college (I finished U.P. and Ateneo already.).

Man, the UPCAT sucked! Sobrang nakakatunaw yung math nila, good thing di ako nakatulog. They told us to brink snacks while taking the test, how can I freakin eat if everytime I try to open a pack of Lay's pagtingin ko sa watch ko 5 mins. nalang?! But personally, siguro 50/50 yung results ng test ko. I really like to pass U.P. but I won't be disappointed if I didn't kasi at least I know how hard their tests are. I took creative writing. Hopefully it's a nice course cause I don't want to study anything boring, I had enough of High School life.

At school, there are issues, everyday, the usual teenage drama between my classmates. Sabunutan dun, sabunutan dito, sigawan dun, sigawan dito, my kingdom for CIVILIZED CLASSMATES! Hindi ko nalang pinapansin, I don't want to get involved in other people's drama, my time is too precious for that. :) Well, that's it. It may take a month or two for me to write again (hehe, I think, too busy with school) but I'll try to write more often, as for now, AUFWIEDERSEHN! :)

Shucks...

Shucks... School's Back...

Every young man's worst nightmare is when vacation ends and school starts. I can't believe it. Two more days and its gut busting time. Work, work, work, work, work, and more work. The only good thing I can think about school is my friends and how I miss them. Hehehe. Im in 4th year already and I settled my mind on taking psychology on college! To really let you feel how much I hate school, i'll give you ten (10) reasons why I despise it.

TEN REASONS WHY I HATE SCHOOL

1. I hate waking up early and not having my breakfast.

2. I hate being late and being reprimanded when I get to school.

3. I hate arrogant teachers when in fact, I think im smarter than them.

4. I hate eating the same food day after day in the cafeteria.

5. I hate the sun shining in my eyes early in the morning when school starts.

6. I hate being right under the school bell when it rings cause it hurts my ears.

7. I hate taking early morning showers when the heaters broken because it gets to **** cold.

8. I hate it when teachers wake me up when I suddenly fall asleep in class.

9. I hate it when chalk dust enters my nose.

10. I hate "BACK TO SCHOOL" posters posted everywhere I go.

There, I hope that's enough. Oops, gotta go get school supplies, and make that number 11, "I hate buying school supplies before school." See ya...

Bakasyion

Hot

Summer Vacation. The only time when weary students can get the rest they very much deserve. But how the heck can we rest when it's super hot? With temperatures ranging from 32 to 42, who can stay asleep? Microwave pare. My skin is getting extra crispy already. Our house is the only shelter away from the heat. Buti nalang our dad installed an aircon in the living room last year. If not we'd all be lechon by now.

How's my social life naman? Hehe. It's cool I still get to hang out with some of my friends. But frequently Im with my two cousins Carla and Katrina. All we can do now is chill in the clubhouse since wala kaming pera.

School's about to start and guess what, yup, you're right! I HATE IT! But I do miss some of my classmates already but that's about it. Everything about work and study pisses me off right now. I have to enjoy this very last vacation before I enter the realms of fourth year living... Gotta sleep now. Tis' getting late. Zai Jian...

Winners

Losers, what we call the heavily insulted and discriminated group. The bell rang, it was lunch time, everyone raced to the canteen, and there she was. Sitting on that cold chair with her hands between her thighs, staring relentlessly on the tiled floor. I hurriedly closed my math notebook and all I could imagine was food, I needed to eat. I saw her. Pity greeted me with a smile. "I'll eat in a while, wanna' come with me?" I said.

"Uh, no thanks, I'll stay here nalang,"

"Oh c'mon! Dali na! Get your food, let's eat downstairs." I coaxed her.

"Hindi, I'll eat here nalang."

"Want me to join you? Hati tayo diyan gusto mo?"

"Hehe, sige na nga..." she said with a forced smile.

She sat on her chair, her eyes never made contact with mine. For her, this was an awkward moment. I tried to catch her eyes, trying to assure her that I am comfortable with this moment but her eyes were concentrated on the cold adobo that surprisingly made my mouth water. She gently filled her spoon with food and ascended it to her mouth, her hair was in the way, but she didn't mind.

"Bakit ka naman nandito?" I asked her even though I knew what she'll say.

"La lang," she mumbled with food still in her mouth.

She handed the spoon over to me, I took a bite. She chewed. Suddenly, her face went into a grimace, a tear went down her cheek. She was crying. She was afraid to show. There was pain all over me like a dagger through my heart. I ached for her, for what she felt. She placed her hands over her face, her tears penetrated through. She was lonely. So incredibly lonely that it made her burst into tears.

"Ey, ok lang yun." I tried to comfort her.

She did not answer.

I handed her my hanky, fortunately unused. She dried her tears.

"Ok na ko."

I knew she was not. I knew what she felt. The yearning to talk to somebody, the yearning to be accepted, the yearning to be just be like everybody.

"Tara, libre kita coke. Ok lang yan, let's eat downstairs, tara."

And there we were, alone, eating...

School

School...

The teacher's lecture echo through my mind like the constant rattling of a typewriter, naks. School was cool today. There was this time awhile ago, the teacher left the room and all my classmates scattered around the room like rats. I was sitting down, drifting into sweet sleep until I noticed something. Their were groups. Groups I have never seen before. "Kikay" girls on my back, conyo boys on my left, the kalog and "manyak" boys in front of me, and the so-called "sudras," (Hindu term for "outcasts" or "slaves") on my right. And then something hit me, if you put 30 people in a room as 1, they'll group themselves according to their attitude, personality, appearance, intellect, interests and so on and so forth. Hehe, its interesting. I was amazed because I don't find it hard hanging out with anyone of these groups. I feel comfortable with each one of them. Thats it...

At Last

IM BACK...

Ok, now Im back. Hehe. Finally. After a long month's rest I find myself here typing another entry. A LOT of significant things happened which would be too long to discuss. You prolly know the feeling of having so many things on your head you want to say but you end up saying none of them at all because they're just too many. Im feeling that right now. Right now, Im stressed. I've got one too many projects I DON'T like to do. I lack sleep and I have to get FAT in three weeks because if I dont I have to pay *Charmaine* 500 pesos worth of cellphone load! Fat, man, I can only dream. I can almost see myself walking with 3 or 4 extra flabs of skin hanging out my tummy. Fat is only a dream, a goal so long forgotten, a vague and distant misconception of my true self. *sigh. Hehe. Anyway, I think I'll try to make more entries, only if I have time. Sayang 'tong blog na to, PRAMIS! Hehehe.

Title Schmitle

Title Schmitle!!

I just found out something VERY irrititating. If you click on the right hand side of this blog, you will see stars... stars of gayishly flamboyant colors scattering along malevolently in all shapes and sizes, soooo gay... grrrr... Those stars never showed up on my computer! WHY? Why do I have so much bad luck when it comes to blogs? It was there when I got this skin! I guess I have to live with it, I guess you have too guys, hehehe, sorry. The stars may symbolize something actually, my feminine side, wahahaha! Kidding.

Anyway, school was incredible. I missed a lot of my classmates *sob*. It's cool I get to hang out with them again. A lot of my classmates blog to, it's pretty surprising. Gotta log off, do mah homework (being a scholar isn't that easy you know... the pride...)

Intelligence

Ohhhhh...

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Now I know. It's good Im planning to take journalism in college! Hehehe! Words are cool! (sounds a bit nerdy to me... hehe!)

Party!

Parteh All Night!

I'm really getting a hang of this party all night thing! This New Year's season is something else! And yeah, the fireworks in Citron (citron is a street in our village where my grandmother lives) is simply the BEST! Spectacular! Spectacular! Im also getting a hang of this bar thing too! Hehehe! I actually danced! It was in IPANEMA in eastwood. And guess who I saw inside? The VIVA HOT BABES! Hehehe! They're actually pretty up close but even sluttier.

New Year with the Family!

We would go home ate 4 in the morning! Hehehe! And I would sleep at 6 in the morning and wake up at 4 in the afternoon! Aint that something else! :) It gets you really tired! Believe me. I'm supposed to go to another party tomorrow, Soleil's "Get Together" party, can't wait!!!